D looks enough like my husband and me that I don't often get people asking if he's adopted. But, that jet black hair is the one kicker. The look at John...they look at me...and they just know that genetically it is unlikely that two people with brown hair will produce a child with such beautiful jet black hair. So, then the conversation gently turns to "wow, he has some great hair! What's his ethnicity?" or "where did he get that black hair?" or, if I'm alone with him, they will ask if his father has black hair. Which then leads me to usually tell them that he's adopted. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't have a problem with telling people. I'm proud of it. I couldn't love D any more if I'd birthed him myself, so I don't mind sharing my story. But recently, I heard another adult adoptee say how he didn't want his mother talking about all the time. He didn't want it pointed out, and he felt it was his story to tell when he wanted to. Which has led me to ponder the whole issue again. I don't want D to feel that it's something to be ashamed of, but on the other hand, I don't want to spend his whole life pointing it out to people, when maybe he just doesn't want it to be brought up all the time. Maybe he just wants people to think more about the fact that we're a family and not just an adoptive family. I don't know the answer. I guess as he grows older, I will let him have a say in that. It's hard to figure out how to answer questions sometimes without explaining it. People are just curious, and that's okay. I've tried to just give general answers, but at some point, you have to just say what it is, or you have to lie or say you don't want to discuss it, which I think is much worse, since it makes it sound like there is something to be ashamed of. I'm sure this is something we'll be sorting out for awhile. And as we look to add a second (and hopefully a third) child to our family, I think it may get a little more complicated sorting through how each child feels about their adoption and how much of their story they want everyone to know about. I don't want him to feel like a conversation piece, as much as I do love sharing the story with people. But I have to remember he's not just the subject of an incredible story, he's a person with feelings and thoughts and a history that already includes some pain, even if he doesn't understand it all just yet.