tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921276013954669726.post6117953597003833250..comments2023-04-06T03:51:35.256-07:00Comments on Adoption: The One That Got Away: Memories of a failed adoption.Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01751349186767943561noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921276013954669726.post-32149647067021359952013-02-18T22:21:03.359-08:002013-02-18T22:21:03.359-08:00Oh my gosh--2 years is brutal! I can't imagin...Oh my gosh--2 years is brutal! I can't imagine. 5 months old was so painful, and I know each passing day just adds to that. It's hard to say what you should say or do, because so many people feel differently and some are more sensitive than others. There were times I wanted to talk about it and times I didn't. What I did (and still do) appreciate was people remembering. I've had people comment to me on his birthday, or that acknowledge the anniversary of when it happened, and though it may sound painful to bring up that memory, for me I liked that people remembered. I also liked a heartfelt card just saying something sincere--sometimes it was a personal experience, sometimes it was admiration at how we had handled ourselves through the whole ordeal (those were really sweet thoughts), sometimes other things. I didn't like for people to constantly tell me how sorry they were. I don't know why, but I preferred more personal things. I had someone e-mail me about a month after it happened and told me how they wouldn't be surprised if it was harder now, because in the moment, you do what you have to do, but a few weeks later it really sinks in and the grief rolls over you harder. I broke down and cried because not only was it true, but someone had recognized it and made it okay for me to continue grieving. Just don't ever tell someone that they should be over it by now. It has been five years and I still have moments of grieving. I don't know if this answers your question, but it's just so individual, but I think mostly people like to be remembered and allowed to grieve.Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01751349186767943561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921276013954669726.post-73797148389831028272013-02-18T16:10:10.370-08:002013-02-18T16:10:10.370-08:00I have a friend who just lost their adopted baby a...I have a friend who just lost their adopted baby after having her from birth for 2 years. (long legal battle) It was their 6th child--4 biological and this was their 2nd adoption--and the pain is so heartbreaking! I can't imagine it being any worse if it was their first child or if they'd had her for only 5 months. Like you said, they thought it was THEIR child. I'm just the outside observer, of course, and just imagining their pain and it's hard to breathe through. You say what not to say---is there anything that is good to say other then I'm sorry and praying for you?Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08977117317002152363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921276013954669726.post-85790173098984764742013-02-18T16:08:43.233-08:002013-02-18T16:08:43.233-08:00This comment has been removed by the author.Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08977117317002152363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921276013954669726.post-69831159004281162222012-01-29T15:46:29.779-08:002012-01-29T15:46:29.779-08:00Oh my gosh Susan my heart goes out to you! We had ...Oh my gosh Susan my heart goes out to you! We had our daughter (now adopted and almost 6) for 6 months. We were fostering her and there was no contact with the b-family at all. Then at 6 mo the county called and said she had an older sister who was stepping forward to take custody. I felt like I wanted to run away with this baby, like she was absolutely mine and I felt like I wanted to die! Well things did turn out in our favor and the adoption was finalized at 21 months. I cannot say I know what you went/are going through but my heart absolutely aches for you. The 2 babies we have now, we are fostering. We've had them 5 months and b-dad just got increased visits while bmom is out of picture. Trying Hoping Praying to adopt them. Who knows what will happen. Adoption is a hard road, we've been fortunate enough to adopt 2 beautiful children. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Isaac is a beautiful boy.Melhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08439602247044723505noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921276013954669726.post-50204257469116021082012-01-29T14:27:49.268-08:002012-01-29T14:27:49.268-08:00Thanks Marnee! I know he would have been good wit...Thanks Marnee! I know he would have been good with other parents, too, but I'm glad we were able to have him for those few months, and to get that taste of motherhood, even if it was heartbreaking to lose him. Thanks for your kind words. I don't mean it to sound like we're just the greatest people ever, but I did want to share at least a small part of the story.Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01751349186767943561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921276013954669726.post-49900180407641816382012-01-29T14:25:53.894-08:002012-01-29T14:25:53.894-08:00It was rough, I ain't gonna lie! I do feel li...It was rough, I ain't gonna lie! I do feel like we gave him a better start than if he'd stayed in foster care, though, and ultimately, that was better for him. And I know we learned some lessons, too, however difficult it was.Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01751349186767943561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921276013954669726.post-40344780729465786792012-01-29T14:24:14.961-08:002012-01-29T14:24:14.961-08:00Thanks, Tiffeny. No, it doesn't matter. Even...Thanks, Tiffeny. No, it doesn't matter. Even miscarriages are heartbreaking, and you never even get to hold that child normally. Loss is loss.Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01751349186767943561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921276013954669726.post-65249400244918025572012-01-29T11:58:19.085-08:002012-01-29T11:58:19.085-08:00You and John are some of the bravest people I know...You and John are some of the bravest people I know--getting to watch Dylan's journey into Scharft-dom with you both has been beyond inspiring, and I feel I learn about what it takes to be a really great parent from seeing your guys raise him. Thanks for sharing your journey with Issac--he was extraordinarily lucky to have been in your care, regardless for how long.Marneenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921276013954669726.post-67173327631395591532012-01-29T07:07:13.201-08:002012-01-29T07:07:13.201-08:00Susan, Thank you for sharing. Even though he was ...Susan, Thank you for sharing. Even though he was so young, you taught him what love is and that is something that will stay with him. I can't imagine how difficult this would be.<br /><br />LauraEnglishLithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05903120413101370454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2921276013954669726.post-13997392021868433992012-01-28T20:56:59.107-08:002012-01-28T20:56:59.107-08:00Made me cry. 5 minutes, 5 weeks, 5 months, 5 year...Made me cry. 5 minutes, 5 weeks, 5 months, 5 years. Doesn't matter. Thanks for sharing.Tiffenyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13127094911485506747noreply@blogger.com